So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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