i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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