Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
