Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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