we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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