This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
