I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
