This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
