You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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