dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
