He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
