3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
