Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
