Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
