i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
