im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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