If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
