I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
