Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
