did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He felt like a one man threesome
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
did i just pee glitter
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
