My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
