I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
