Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
