break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
