sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
