I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
