I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
