I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
