So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
