The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
