This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My breasts were aching with rage.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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