I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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