ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
