lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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