I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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