No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
