I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
