I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
