We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
