I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He felt like a one man threesome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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