There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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