i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
