Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
