i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
