Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
