hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I need water and some morals
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
