my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
