Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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