was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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