Your face is a jimmy john
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
