I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had to cum in my sink.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
